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 60 Years of Investigative Satire
document TEXT-001-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015032.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…r McGovern.” I had to admit it was funny, even though she had been quoted out of context. * * * Harry Robbins “Bob” Haldeman came into my life when I was a senator in 1951. He volunteered to work on my vice presidential campaign the next year, but that campaign was not to be...

part of an overall plan “to destroy,” in the words of Frank Sturgis, “the
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015125.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

part of an overall plan “to destroy,” in the words of Frank Sturgis, “the office of the presidency.” Haldeman was a saboteur in the guise of a sycophant. In 1967, when he was a vice president at the J. Walter Thompson advertising agency, he sent me a long memo on how | could use...

Then Haldeman delivered a resounding pep talk—when he lets loose
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015124.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

Then Haldeman delivered a resounding pep talk—when he lets loose he can be an emotional marvel—about the importance of launching a counterattack against our enemies. | must say at this point that Rose Mary Woods deserves a Medal of Honor for the way she was willing to humiliate...

task had been assigned to Tony Ulasewicz immediately after their first
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015120.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…A loner. Clean as a hound’ s tooth. So far. Then | began to “chop the coke,” as they say, with a razor blade. When Bob Haldeman entered, we each took a couple of snorts. Haldeman was my Sherman Adams. | had always felt | could depend on him. We were discussing whether my itinera...

about the murder of President Kennedy. Haldeman said that Nixon always
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015131.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

about the murder of President Kennedy. Haldeman said that Nixon always referred to the assassination as “the Bay of Pigs.” And, on May 5, 1977, the Houston Post published a UPI dispatch that stated: “Watergate burglar Frank Sturgis said Wednesday that the CIA planned the break-i...

In the meantime, | am, at long last, completely at peace with myself
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015130.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

… of Richard Nixon’ s Memoirs” was published, syndicated columnist Liz Smith—who hadn’ t seen that piece—wrote that H.R. Haldeman had been in the Oval Office with Nixon, and that his trousers were down to his ankles. Hoping to smoke out the truth, | retyped one page of the manuscr...

permitting my chief of staff to perform fellatio on me. In fact, | was fully
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015123.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…d our discussion as if nothing had occurred. “Now,” | said in a normal tone of voice, “what' s on the agenda?” “Sir,” Haldeman began, “on this Watergate problem, it would be advantageous to us if any similar activity on the part of the Democrats could be leaked to the media.”...

“You stuck by me, Bob,” | said while | rubbing his hair. “Finch
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015122.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…nd for this to be taken literally— “Why don’ t you try sucking my cock, maybe that’ //help.” To my utter astonishment, Haldeman unzipped my fly and proceeded with what can only be described as extreme efficiency. The whole thing could not have taken more than five minutes from b...

Nelson Rockefeller that if he would actively support me, | would take
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015108.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…r onto the team, and of course | had to keep my word. We all felt somewhat uncomfortable about his German accent. H.R. Haldeman decided that whenever Kissinger made any statement, his picture could be shown on TV but there would be no audio. And the electronic media cooperated....

“No, | mean my so-called marriage is all image. Pat and | have not
document IMAGES-003-HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015121.txt House Oversight Committee — Epstein Estate Records (Nov 2025)

…d talking about a divorce. We compromised with separate bedrooms.” Suddenly | stood up, walked around my desk to where Haldeman was sitting, and | ran my hand back and forth across the top of his crewcut. | am not very physically demonstrative, but | had always wanted to do tha...