Every indexed document

with a dollop of ""Stop being so selfish

I felt super frustrated by how most polyamorists discuss jealousy. They

but it's the culmination of over a decade of thought. I came across

every action reinforces how much I'm in his power.

no matter how I fight or beg or scream. It's

it's part of an old game. It's merely another kind of

this level of complicitness adds another level of pain

in that it was actually difficult for him to control how he hurt me

you have to let me in close."" Layer upon layer:

instinctively pushing him away. ""Don't push me away

so I started licking his hand when he reached for

but at least we weren't moving. Nor were we paused at a

he'll recognize what I'm doing; he'll be pleased

he'll have sex with me instead of hurting me....

it's like I'm trying to bargain. Maybe if

I'm not really coherent enough to be planning strategy at times

which involves attempting to distract him

that I can use my tiny advantage to convince him to pull back.

I am not even close to coherent enough to ponder tactics; I'm

but sometimes -- calling my safeword can feel like the worst