linens were to be cut into two-inch squares and sold for $1 each. The price included a notarized

linens were to be cut into two-inch squares and sold for $1 each. The price included a notarized statement of authenticity. My second column was about Lenny Bruce—titled “Lenny the Lawyer,” since he defended himself in trials He was arrested for obscene performances only because there were no blasphemy laws. I went to the bank and deposited my check, withdrawing half of it in cash, a $500 bill. Lenny was alone in his hotel room on Christmas Day when I presented it to him. And, with a large safety pin, Lenny attached the $500 bill to the outside breast pocket of his denim dungaree jacket. AFTER JFK ASSASSINATION In another column of mine, “Jack Ruby and His Dirty Little Secret,” it began, “Lenny Bruce told me how all the night club comics used to Jack Ruby’s “tattoo of a lady’s schmutzik (translate: pussy) in his armpit.” If it wasn’t a fact, I was quite willing to settle for an apocryphal allusion which nevertheless crystallized the entire personality of that alleged murderer who wanted so very much to be liked. I say alleged because upon Ruby’s own death. Dallas District Attorney Henry Wade said he would dismiss the murder charge against him, a promise which has since been kept, although no such posthumous grace was ever officially bestowed on Lee Harvey Oswald. See, they grant you retroactive innocence only in the face of innumerable witnesses who were present at the actual event through the miracle of inadvertent televised coverage. Now Jack Ruby’s dirty little secret has been forever sealed away in his armpit by the hymen of history. Oh yeah, and at Lenny’s funeral, that safety pin was still attached on his jacket. JULES SIEGEL Two years before Lenny’s death, with his permission I published his obituary in my own magazine, 7he Realist. Before the issue went to press, he called his mother and a few others to let them know it would only be a hoax. The point was that he couldn't get work and his work HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_024625