When I was younger, it took me a while to get around to taking the dominant role. And

When I was younger, it took me a while to get around to taking the dominant role. And there's still something I can reach when I'm being submissive and masochistic that I've never reached when I'm dominant. Still, I think of myself as a confirmed switch now: someone who can take either the submissive or dominant role. Yet it's such a strange binary, isn't it? If he rips me apart and then says, "I just want to take care of you," then which of us is in charge? Mica told me recently that, "When you're hurting me, my favorite thing you say is 'I know.’ Because you do know. You know exactly what it's like.” By now I'm barely scared. It hasn't been that long, and I'm trying to allow for New Relationship Energy. I know this could still go up in smoke. But we've talked about expectations, and we've talked through what we're both looking for, and we're both thinking of each other in a long-term way. If I had to point to events that "proved" Mica has serious potential, two things would top the list. First, in the aftermath of his first incredible S&M experience, when he dealt with the disappointment of realizing that S&M can't always be that -- dealt with it quietly, sensibly, without drama, by talking to me. And second, when he said, in defiance of most aggressive stereotypical dominant roles: "I just want to take care of you.” te Kk ok This can be found on the Internet at: http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2012/02/10/storytime-the-strange-binary-of-dominance- and-submission/ FEMINISM: [storytime] My Mom's Rape Story, and A Confused Relationship With Feminism I wrote this in 2012, for Mother's Day. It was originally published at the girl-power site OffOurChests.com. te OK ok My Mom's Rape Story, and A Confused Relationship With Feminism My mother is a rape survivor. In 1970, when she was in her twenties, she came home alone one day with the groceries. As she was opening the door, a man came up behind her and forced her into the apartment, where he violently assaulted her. For years afterwards, my mother had Rape Trauma Syndrome -- a type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that affects rape survivors -- but neither RTS nor PTSD had yet been identified, and psychiatrists didn't know what to do with her. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018677