The book is filled with writing exercises that prompt readers to reflect on everything from

The book is filled with writing exercises that prompt readers to reflect on everything from body image to sexual assault. It's essentially a guide to writing one's own personal sexual manifesto. Among BDSMers, an example of this approach is the multi-page checklists that some BDSMers use. (I already wrote about this in my piece "Sex Communication Tactic Derived From S&M: Checklists,” reprinted earlier in this book; just in case you haven't read it, I'll briefly describe them.) Checklists are essentially lists of every conceivable BDSM.-related act; each act on the checklist looks something like this: FLOGGING -- GIVING O0O000 FLOGGING -- RECEIVING O0O000 Each partner rates each entry by filling out 1-5 bubbles, with 1 darkened bubble meaning "Not interested" and 5 bubbles meaning "I crave this!" This type of explicit communication is both an excellent way to help partners understand each other's desires -- and to help partners understand each other's boundaries. In a way, this sort of thing could be seen as "Master Class" consent communication. This was the context whence I emerged when I started investigating pickup artistry. Iam a feminist, but I'm a flavor of feminist with a troubled history within the movement. I am an advocate for explicit communication, but I believe that no aspect of consent should be ignored, and I am concerned that many feminists and BDSMers give a certain unwarranted privilege to explicit verbal communication over implicit or non-verbal communication. People seem likely to develop a preference for explicit communication if it seems more necessary. For instance, many BDSMers develop a preference for explicit communication because our desires are unusual and precise, and complicated words will help us get what we want. Feminists develop the same preferences because explicit communication is the clearest way to ensure sexual consent. Accordingly, some people attempt to promote explicit sexual communication by saying: We should make it necessary. Here's an example exchange from the comments on a thoughtful feminist BDSM blog. A male commenter asks: I once had an argument with a very good female friend of mine about kissing. She was perturbed about a date who asked her if he could proceed to kiss her. She said the man Should just know. It should be instinctual and u lose the moment as soon as u ask. I said that was bs, the first move is one of the most nerve wracking things, the very fact that he asked shows his politeness and tact and frankly a lack of presumptuousness.... What do you think? What's the line between politeness and passivity? The feminist blogger, an intelligent and awesome lady who goes by the name Holly Pervocracy, responds that: I don't say this very often, but "you lose the moment as soon as you ask" girls really are ruining it for the rest of us. As far as I'm concerned, they can go without ever being kissed until they wise up. HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_018670