comedians do have something in common. We both like to have a good

comedians do have something in common. We both like to have a good opening line. As a performer, | always try to slant my opening line toward a particular audience. My opening line at the World Hemp Expo was, “Last night, for the first time in my life, | used a hemp condom.” My opening line at a Skeptics Conference, attended by the Amazing Randi and the Amazing Kreskin, was: “The is the first conference |’ ve been to where there were two people with the same first name of Amazing—but the Amazing Randi was born with that name, it’ s on his birth certificate, whereas the Amazing Kreskin changed his name for showbiz--his real name is the Obnoxious Kreskin.”. And my opening line at a luncheon during the Los Angeles County Bar Association conference was, “I’ d like to begin with a moment of silence, so that you can think about your client’ s problem, and then you can make this a billable hour.” Now | find myself in a lavish hotel suite, trying to crystallize an opening line while contemplating the bald spot on the back of my head, infinitely cloned in the mirrors of the hotel-room bathroom, actually the only place | ever get to see that bald spot as others do. This will be a serious opening line, since | have been told that, in the introduction to my performance, | will be presented with the Lifestyles Freedom Award. | HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_015198